Now with Real Food!

Lets talk about blueberries. For years, I thought blueberries were blue rat poopy powderballs. Nope, that grainy taste was powdered chemicals engineered to simulate what someone who had never had an actual blueberry thought they might taste like. And the FDA just says okay. It makes me think that we are in fact, living in the Matrix.  For years we’ve gone around saying, “I know this blueberry doesn’t exist. I know when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is blue like a berry and delicious.” But is ignorance bliss?

Probably not.  For me, changing my diet saved my life. I can’t imagine eating processed food ever again, as it directly correlates to how I feel.

This SNL sketch pretty much sums up how I feel about processed food. Except for pizza. Oh god the smell of even the greasiest, saltiest, cardboardiest tasting pizza makes me drool like Pavlov’s dog after a hard time at the pound(?).

Personally, I would have gone with mutant blueberries, but what do I know about comedy?

Pizza is one thing grain free, dairy free science cannot replicate.  It is my white horse. Although, the food allergy industry is coming up with some creative ways to make cookies and cakes and all kinds of crazy deserts.  But even here, continually, allergy companies like Enjoy Life Foods have boxes that exclaim, “NOW BETTER TASTING!”.  Gluten free beer Awards might as well say, “Tastes Okay”.  I am almost to the point where I don’t bother creating substitutes for these things very often. Almost to the point…right now I just put about $100 worth of dark chocolate on the credit card I’ve been living off of for unemployment.

One does not simply loose their sweet tooth just because they are unemployed and can’t afford such luxuries.


8 thoughts on “Now with Real Food!

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