The Scoop on Poop

Pooping is like the State of the Union Address for from your body. Your morning constitutional lets you know critical details about your digestion and hydration levels, while getting rid of the excess waste (unlike the government)!

If something is wrong, usually your poo will indicate what kind of problem you are having. Anyone with autoimmune, allergy, inflammatory, and other gut/intestinal disorders carefully monitor their output for consistency in time and material. Too firm or too soft lets you know your body is out of whack. Of course, not being able to go is a huge problem in itself. Constipation is something that can kill you. So is diarrhea. So, it’s nice to keep a happy medium of movements.

The most commonly used poop health scale is the Bristol Scale. I took the time to fix up the scale, so you get to know your poops on a more personal level. Go ahead, print it out and put it in your bathroom!

Also, think about how you poop.  The modern toilet is a modern invention, and humans have spent thousands of years perfecting bodies to squat that shit out, literally.

I can’t wait until the hardcore paleo people begin advocating the poop-squat as a part of the modern caveman’s lifestyle.

Anyway, if you’re having trouble pinching one out, and squatting isn’t working, make sure you’re getting enough:

  1. Water
  2. Fiber
  3. Exercise
  4. Healthy oil (coconut, olive, avocado, bacon grease)
Often, a heap of collard greens is all it takes to get me moving!

All the Food is Poison

A long, long time ago in a health class far, far away, a teacher warned her students about the importance of eating whole foods. She explained that our growing bodies were like houses being built with what we put in our body.  Shitty materials will give you a shoddy structure, a fast food, fast-tract house built with ticky-tacky and corn syrup.

Unfortunately, I disregarded this advice and practically built my house out of poison with a steady diet of Arizona Green Tea and Dark Chocolate M&Ms. It’s my estimate that practically everything I ate between 17 and 22 contained corn syrup, soy, and a cocktail of other horrifying additives that have no nutritional value.

Then I got sick.  Gradually at first, just a small rash on my neck. And then it spread to my chest. My arms. My back. My ass. My face was ravaged with dry wrinkly skin. My stomach bloated and hurt. I itched. I lost sleep. I went to several doctors and dermatologists and allergists threatening to jump off a bridge if I didn’t find some relief. After many years and many doctors all that we’ve found is that my illness lies somewhere between severe food intolerance and lupus (which is bullshit, because, it’s never lupus, right?), and the only thing that seems to help is a whole-food, plant-based Paleo lifestyle supplemented with meat, and very limited fruit allowance.

How I feel the more I learn about the food and drug industry: